We’ve likely all heard the phrase “detour in the right direction”.
But how many of us have scoffed at this notion, finding it kind of cheesy and perhaps unrealistic?
I used to be right there with ya! I liked the IDEA of it, but my anxious brain never really knew how to LIVE it. I would think “you mean I have to let go of my very specific idea of how things should go?? No way!”
The idea of a detour in the right direction refers to embracing where life takes you - especially when it’s not what you had planned, or what you thought you wanted for yourself.
It’s about letting go of control we tend to want over the outcome of situations, events, life changes or new chapters.
This is challenging for MOST of us, because as humans our brain has a desire to protect us. In order to do that, it wants to know exactly what’s coming next so we can prepare ourselves. This area of the brain developed in the caveman days when we encountered life threatening situations regularly, but nowadays this most often leads to high levels of anxiety that has no real purpose or benefit.
This can be ESPECIALLY rough for those of us with high-achieving, type-A, goal oriented personalities. We get attached to the outcome we think we NEED and will do everything we can to control and micromanage it into fruition.
So what happens when something comes up in life that throws off our plans?
Maybe we experience a failure, we’re laid off or don’t get promoted, we receive a medical diagnosis, we’re forced to relocate, we don’t get into the school our hearts were set on, we go through a breakup…
The list can go on and on!
And it doesn’t just have to be big life things – it can also be relevant for smaller things like your friend cancelling or changing plans, or your flight getting delayed or cancelled.
One of two things tends to happen:
We try to fight it
We go into victim mode
Neither of these set us up to feel GOOD. We drop right down the emotional scale into discouragement, anger, blame, self-pity, or depression.
We may also become completely fearful of what’s going to happen. And when we’re in a fear-based mental/emotional space, we tend to compromise our self-worth – or settle, because we don’t want to risk that something better may or may not come along.
Maybe you lose your job which sends you into a tailspin of self-pity, anger and blame – but you also feel completely terrified that you won’t get another great job, so you take something WAY below your skill set and pay grade.
Maybe your spouse breaks up with you and you’re blindsided. You’re heartbroken and angry, but also so scared that you won’t find someone as amazing, so you settle for a new partner who doesn’t meet all of your needs.
So what is the alternative here? Why would we want to embrace those as opportunities for detours in the right direction?
BECAUSE, perhaps life is trying to bring you something EVEN BETTER than you had in mind for yourself! Something more incredible than you could have imagined, desired or believed possible.
If we constantly fight it when things take a detour, we are cutting ourselves off to these types of opportunities and we are completely missing out on the expansive and magical life we are meant to live!
We block all manifestations from coming through and energetically tell the universe that we are NOT open to co-creating. We are also completely blind to our own intuition giving us “pings”, inspiration and creative ideas for solutions.
I know that it can feel very uncomfortable to trust and surrender when it feels like things are out of control. All you want to do is gain back control!
But what if the greatest way to control your ability to live your BEST life is by actually letting go of control?
This is a journey that I’ve been on recently - for the past four months or so.
Since I started my business, I’ve had a very specific idea of how things SHOULD go….
I’d create content that deeply helps my clients transform their health, build up my community through social media and events, invest in my own personal and professional growth through self-care and coaching – and voila! I’d have a thriving business that could sustain me full-time.
Although many of those “shoulds” did happen, what I didn’t realize is that by putting such pressure on the business to make a full-time income quickly, I was strangling it energetically. I constantly felt a MASSIVE weight on my shoulders to get that next client and fill that next program – which led to this lack mentality and quite honestly, at times, feelings of desperation.
This also greatly impacted my relationship with my Fiancé because of the huge pressure on us financially. (*This is something I want to dive into more in another post – how to navigate relationships during times of increased stress and big life changes – so if you’re interested, definitely let me know!)
We came to a point where we decided if I wasn’t making $X by a certain date, I’d need to find a another job and do Glowing Minds on the side.
Well that date came, and I wasn’t making $X. Cue a major meltdown moment and #realtalk, an anxiety attack. I hadn’t accepted that I’d get to that point and really believed I could make my financial goals happen. So in that moment of realization, it was surreal.
At the time, I believed that “going back to work” or “finding a real job” meant having to go back to what I used to do before Glowing Minds – to working downtown in a corporate office role that didn’t feel aligned for me and made me completely unhappy. I also thought that everything I had built with Glowing Minds was for nothing and I was a failure (dramatic, I know). This is why I was so upset about it all.
Through all of my despair the days following this, I also knew deep down that I had a choice. I could either be miserable and fall into old patterns of low self-worth and fear-based thinking (which I had done time and time again) – or I could figure out how to do it differently this time. To accept and embrace this new chapter and next step in my career.
So I decided to radically adopt the detour in the right direction mindset. I was going to figure out how to embrace this and work WITH the universe to co-create a reality for myself that was even better than what I had planned.
And guess what! It worked.
I’ve come through this transition period with multiple opportunities for work that feel totally aligned – and I didn’t settle whatsoever.
(I’ll likely share more on this soon – so make sure to join me on instagram! And don’t worry, Glowing Minds isn’t going anywhere. I will most definitely keep the business going & growing.)
So how the heck did I do that? There were a few key strategies and tools that I used:
To dive into what each of these mean, I’ve created a hugely valuable resource for you – my Detour In The Right Direction Checklist.
Enter your name and email below to get your copy! This is going to be beneficial for anyone who is going through a life transition, feels like they failed at something, or for the person who is so attached to the outcome that if it doesn’t go to “plan” they get completely thrown off.
I can tell you without a doubt that if I hadn’t adopted the detour in the right direction mindset four months ago, I’d most definitely be in an office cubicle downtown right now. (*Not to say that this is a bad thing, because it’s not! For some people a traditional office job is a great fit but for me it wouldn’t have felt right, RIGHT NOW)
This is the most clear and tangible example I’ve ever experienced of changing the course of my life for the better through changing my mindset and RELEASING control. Needless to say, I’ll be applying this to every aspect of my life going forward, as well as supporting my clients with it!
There is so much more in store for us than we could ever imagine, should we choose to let go of our tight grip, have a little bit more trust and surrender… and shall I say PIVOT?!